One Year...

Today is the EDD of the first baby we lost. I still miss that baby so much but I'm so grateful to be sitting here writing this with another baby on the way. It doesn't replace the babies we lost and never will but I know that what we have went through was important for us to go through and we love the baby we are expecting so much more b/c we can truly grasp how delicate the life of a growing baby is.

I'm doing alot better this year then I was last year and I know the reason for that is in my belly right now. I'm a little sad but can't really be too sad b/c if we hadn't lost the first baby the second baby wouldn't have existed and if we hadn't have lost the second baby we wouldn't have been capable to help our nephews when they needed us and we also most likely wouldn't have the child we are expecting now and I can't imagine that because I'm already so in love with this little person I have never met and would never ever not want it to not exist.

I have a feeling this child is not going to erase all the pain from our lost babies but I'm certain he or she will help me heal more and make the anniversaries of these dates easier, because it already seems easier. It seems easier to look at my blessings and the future then to dwell on what was lost and what can never be.